The Heathenator 3000
For those who are afraid of heathens' corrupting influence:
Are you tired of your neighbor's care free attitude with their religious
beliefs? Awakend at six in the morning on a Saturday by Jehovah's Witnesses
looking for a little chat? Don't worry, the Heathenator 3000 is ready
to help!
That's right, the Heathenator 3000 can be used to convert any wholesome,
Yahweh-based religous zealot into a fully functioning, blood thirsty
heathen! Just look at this testimonial:
"I used to be a Southern Baptist Youth Minister and a Vegan.
But, thanks to the Heathenator 3000, I now eat the raw meat of the
animal I just killed."
-- 'Bubba', Jacksonville, South Carolina
How much would you expect to pay for this wonderous, religous converting
device? One hundred dollars? Two hundred dollars? Wait! There's more!
Call within the next ten minutes and we'll throw in the Godly Attribute
of Frey! That's right! Inspire envy in the men around you (as well as
awe in the women)! Now how much would you expect to pay? Wait! There's
more!
For a limited time only, we are including the patented Hammer of Thunderbolts!
Use the Hammer to smite your enemies, crush peasant revolts, and jump
start your car!
What would you expect to pay for the Heathenator 3000, the Godly Attribute
of Frey, and the Hammer of Thunderbolts? Would you believe three easy
monthly installments of $29.99?! That's right, just three easy monthly
installments of $29.99 will get you this trio of heathen corruption!
Supplies are limited, so order today!
LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Hammer of Thunderbolts not to be
used in conjuction with Girdle of Giant Strength and Gauntlets of Ogre
Power.